Relationships can be a rollercoaster—sometimes exhilarating, sometimes terrifying. When it comes to relationships and red flags, we try to avoid them. Because honestly, who wants to admit that their partner might be toxic, right? But here's the thing: keeping an eye out for toxic behaviour can prevent it from snowballing into full-blown red flags.

Enter the Four Horsemen of relationships: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. These behaviours are major red flags, often signalling that your relationship might be heading for rocky terrain.

Let’s break down these four villains and, more importantly, how to handle them before they sabotage your happily-ever-after.

1. Criticism: The Constant Nitpicker

Ever felt like nothing you do is good enough? When a partner moves from constructive feedback to constantly tearing you down, criticism has taken the wheel.

💬 What it sounds like:

• “You never listen to me.”

• “Why can’t you be more like [insert perfect person here]?”

💡 How to combat it:
Instead of pointing fingers, try using "I" statements. For example, “I feel upset when the dishes pile up” works better than “You’re so lazy.”Source

Source: Freepik

2. Contempt: The Silent Assassin

If sarcasm, eye rolls, or outright insults have become regulars in your relationship, it’s time to take a step back. Contempt isn’t just mean—it’s toxic. It often comes from unresolved resentment and can make your partner feel belittled.

💬 What it looks like:

• Mocking your partner’s feelings.

• Saying things like, “Wow, you really are clueless, aren’t you?”

💡 How to combat it:
Build a culture of appreciation. Even small gestures, like saying “thank you,” can help replace contempt with gratitude.

3. Defensiveness: The Excuse Machine

Nobody likes to be wrong, but being defensive 24/7 isn’t a great look either. It’s a way of avoiding accountability and dismissing your partner’s feelings.

💬 What it sounds like:

• “It’s not my fault. You’re the one who started it!”

• “Why are you always picking on me?”

💡 How to combat it:
Instead of jumping to justify yourself, try taking a deep breath and validating your partner’s perspective. Saying, “I see why that upset you” can work wonders.

4. Stonewalling: The Emotional Ghost

When conflicts heat up, does one of you shut down completely? That’s stonewalling—where one partner withdraws emotionally, leaving the other feeling abandoned and unheard.

💬 What it feels like:

• Getting the silent treatment.

• A partner who’s "there but not there."

💡 How to combat it:
Take a timeout, but set a time to return to the conversation. Let your partner know, “I need a moment, but let’s talk about this in 30 minutes.”

Source: Freepik

How to Outrun the Horsemen

No relationship is perfect, and encountering one of these red flags doesn’t mean the end. However, spotting and addressing these behaviours early is the key to keeping your relationship healthy.

We believe love should lift you up, not drag you down. If you recognize any of these horsemen galloping through your relationship, it’s time to grab the reins and steer toward a healthier, happier dynamic.

After all, every great love story deserves a happy ending.