Let’s be real—talking about sex can feel awkward, even when you're with someone you're completely comfortable with. But here’s the thing: if you're in a relationship, especially a sexual one, communication is essential. The good news? It doesn’t have to be awkward forever. Once you learn how to talk about your sexual needs openly and without shame, your relationship—and your sex life—will thank you for it.

Why It’s Important to Speak Up
Sex is a huge part of intimacy, and intimacy requires understanding. If you're not expressing what you want (or don’t want), your partner can’t be expected to know. This can lead to unmet needs, miscommunication, or even resentment. And guess what? Your partner probably has things they want to talk about too but might be just as nervous.

Talking about your sexual needs doesn’t make you demanding—it makes you honest. And honesty is what builds stronger, more satisfying relationships.

Start with Self-Awareness
Before you can communicate your needs, you have to know what they are. Spend some time reflecting on what you enjoy, what you’d like to explore, and what makes you uncomfortable. It might help to write these thoughts down or practice saying them out loud to yourself. The more you understand what you need, the easier it will be to express it to someone else.

Pick the Right Time
Timing is everything. Bringing up your sexual needs while you're in the middle of the act or during a heated argument isn’t ideal. Instead, pick a calm, neutral time when you’re both relaxed and open to talking. It could be during a cozy moment together or even over coffee in a casual setting. What matters is that the conversation isn’t rushed, and both of you feel safe.

Ease into the Conversation
You don’t have to dive right in with all the details. If the topic feels intimidating, ease into it. You could start by asking your partner how they feel about your sex life:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about how we can make things even better between us. How do you feel about how things are going in the bedroom?”

This invites your partner to share their thoughts and makes the conversation a two-way street. From there, you can start talking about your own desires, framing it as something you both can explore together.

Use “I” Statements
When talking about sexual needs, try to keep the focus on yourself. This reduces the chance of your partner feeling criticized or defensive.
For example, instead of saying, “You never do [this thing] during sex,” try saying, “I would love it if we could try [this thing].”
This way, the conversation feels like an invitation to enhance your connection rather than a critique.

Be Honest but Kind
It’s essential to be honest about what you want, but also mindful of how you express it. If there’s something you don’t enjoy, you can share that without making your partner feel bad.
For instance, saying something like, “I’ve noticed I’m not really into [specific activity], but I’d love if we could try [alternative],” keeps the conversation constructive and forward-thinking.

Stay Open to Their Needs, Too
Remember, this conversation isn’t just about you—it’s also an opportunity for your partner to share their needs. Be open to hearing what they have to say, and try not to take it personally if they bring up something that surprises you. Everyone has different desires, and the goal is to meet somewhere in the middle where you both feel satisfied and respected.

Normalize Checking In
Talking about your sexual needs shouldn’t be a one-time thing. Checking in with each other regularly helps keep the lines of communication open and allows you to evolve together as your relationship progresses. It doesn’t have to be a big, formal conversation every time—sometimes a simple “How are you feeling about our sex life lately?” can do wonders.

Don’t Be Afraid to Laugh About It
Sex can be fun, messy, and sometimes a little awkward—why not embrace that? If things feel tense, it’s okay to lighten the mood with humor. Laughing together can help ease the discomfort and make the conversation feel more natural.

At the end of the day, talking about your sexual needs is about building a stronger connection with your partner, not striving for some idea of sexual perfection. It might feel a little awkward at first, but the more you practice, the easier it gets. And remember, you deserve to have your needs met—just as your partner does. With open, honest conversations, you’ll both get closer to creating a fulfilling and enjoyable sexual relationship.