Ah, unconditional love. It sounds like something out of a dreamy romance novel, doesn’t it? The idea of loving someone without conditions, without limits, without... well, sanity? It’s a concept that feels almost sacred, like the pinnacle of romantic ideals we’ve all been conditioned to chase. But when the glow of infatuation fades, and real-life challenges come knocking, is this dreamy, unconditional love even realistic? Let’s be real: in the mess and magic of modern relationships, does love truly need to be unconditional to thrive?

Spoiler alert: It’s complicated.

The Fantasy of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is often painted as the ultimate goal. Love them when they’re at their best. Love them when they’re at their worst. Love them when they eat your leftovers without asking—even if it’s the last slice of pizza. It’s the stuff of romantic movies, where the hero or heroine proclaims their undying love regardless of circumstances.

And sure, it’s sweet. It’s warm and fuzzy. It’s what we’re told to aspire to. But is it practical? More importantly, is it healthy?

Source: Freepik

Love vs. Relationship: A Big Difference

Here’s the thing: Love and relationships aren’t the same. You can love someone deeply but still not have a functional, healthy relationship with them. Why? Because relationships require more than love—they need mutual respect, trust, communication, and effort. Love might be the spark, but these elements are the fuel that keeps the fire burning.

Unconditional love in a romantic relationship might mean you care for your partner no matter what. You’re there for them in tough times. You forgive their mistakes. But it doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to toxic behaviour or letting your boundaries get bulldozed. That’s not love; that’s self-abandonment.

The Case for Conditions

Yes, conditions. It sounds unromantic, but let’s normalize the fact that healthy relationships need them. Conditions are not ultimatums; they’re the foundational agreements that ensure respect and equality in a relationship.

Here are some examples of healthy “conditions”:

• Respect for each other’s boundaries

• Open and honest communication

• Effort to grow together as partners

• A shared commitment to the relationship

These aren’t selfish demands; they’re the scaffolding that holds love together. Without them, love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.

Source: Freepik

Striking the Balance

So, does love need to be unconditional in a romantic relationship? Maybe it’s less about being unconditional and more about being intentional. Love your partner for who they are, yes, but also recognise your own needs and boundaries.

Real love isn’t about sacrificing yourself at the altar of someone else’s happiness. It’s about two people showing up for each other, flaws and all, while still maintaining a sense of self-worth.

Real-World Romance

Unconditional love might be the fairy tale, but conditional love—the kind that respects boundaries and nurtures growth—is what makes the real-world romance work. It’s not about limiting love; it’s about making sure love has a safe, solid space to grow.

Because at the end of the day, love should feel good. It should lift you up, not tear you down. And sometimes, loving someone means setting conditions that protect your peace—and theirs.